The Internet Oracle

I first heard about The Internet Oracle while I was at uni in the early 90’s and i’m sure it’s been around for a lot longer than that.

Here’s the blurb on what the Oracle is:

Do you endeavor with a difficult dilemma, or ponder a posed problem you cannot perspicaciously pursue? Angling anxiously for advice? The Internet Oracle can help! Like all famous oracles, the Internet Oracle is omniscient, and will provide some answer to your question. In return, the Oracle may require that you perform a small service …

Despite all the mythology surrounding it, essentially it’s just a mail server app that accepts questions then sends those questions on to other people who have asked questions, they reply with an answer and so on. So you send a question, and get a question, answer it and send it back, quite often the question/answer combos are gems of wit and humour, here’s a great one I found in the regular best of… (follow the link above) digest.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Merry Oracle, who can have a holly, jolly Christmas without pricking
> himself on the pointy leaves, I've figured out your secret.
>
>                                     Santa      Internet
>                                     Claus       Oracle
> --------------------------------    -----      --------
>                         Immortal     Yes         Yes
>  Knows who's been naughty & nice     Yes         Yes
> Shakes like a bowl full of jelly     Yes     Undetermined
>                Long, white beard     Yes       Probably
>           Keeps exotic livestock   Reindeer    Unproven
>       Has many dedicated helpers    Elves      Priests
>
> So admit it.  You're really Santa, aren't you?  This Oracle business
> is just something you do to occupy yourself in the off-season, isn't
> it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Before you get carried away, consider the following comparison
} chart:
}
}                                     Santa        Bill
}                                     Claus       Gates
} --------------------------------    -----      --------
}                         Immortal     Yes         Yes[1]
}  Knows who's been naughty & nice     Yes         Yes[2]
} Shakes like a bowl full of jelly     Yes       Cream pie
}                Long, white beard   False[3]       No
}           Keeps exotic livestock   Reindeer    Unproven
}       Has many dedicated helpers    Elves      Employees
}             Mail goes unanswered     Yes         Yes
}    Runs a worldwide organisation     Yes         Yes
} Gets user requests, but delivers
}        something else altogether     Yes         Yes
}    Distributes gifts to the poor     Yes         Yes[4]
}        Has an effective monopoly     Yes         Yes
}            Annual licensing fees   Cookies       Cash
}
} Notes:
} [1] Ever since that pact with.. oh, wait, I'm not allowed to
} talk about that. Sorry. Just take my word for it.
} [2] Everyone who runs Microsoft software and has an internet
} connection, anyway. "No personally identifying information",
} hah, there's a good one.
} [3] Sorry, but yes, Santa's beard is a false one. Didn't you
} know that the most common method for disguise for men is a
} beard? Did you really think that such a long beard would be
} natural? Off with the glasses, on with the contacts and the
} huge beard, and you look completely different.
} [4] Yes, really - the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is in
} fact the world's largest charitable organisation, and among
} (many) other things currently funds 90% of the world's budget
} for the eradication of polio.
}
} And a final clue:
}   - Many houses these days no longer have chimneys for Santa
}     to come down.
}   - Therefore, he needs an alternate method of entry.
}   - The easiest entry points to most houses are the windows.
}   - Windows is well known for being insecure, allowing easy
}     access by outsiders.
}
} How much more proof do you need?

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!

So it’s been so long since an update that the address of this site dropped out of my browser history…

How about that Wii then? Thanks for Jeremy for this link but if Nintendo think I’m going to be doing backflips in my loungroom just to perform some kind of crazy special move, they’ve got another thing coming.

It’s also interesting to note that Sony and Microsoft have both made statments that they expect people will buy their console AND a Wii, link. Also interesting is that by the time the PS3 comes out, you will be able to buy an XBOX 360 AND a Wii OR a PS3. Sony better really pull something amazing off with the PS3 or they’re going to lose this round.

Star Wars sucks, there, I said it.

A discussion relating to the re-issue of the original Star Wars movies (see the link below) had me thinking about how Lucas is a wanker and how I hold a pretty mean grudge; I can think of 3 examples right now:

  1. Lucas for being an idiot and ruining star wars, I’ll still watch his movies but I will avoid giving him any more of my money if I can possibly avoid it.
  2. Metallica for being utter cockbites and all that Napster crap. These knuckle draggers did the completely wrong thing and persecuted THEIR LOYAL FANS for downloading their music, I’m sure they were the victims of some bad advice but I still hold it against them and don’t even listen to their shit any more.
  3. The RIAA. The day I read they had sent letters of demand for several thousands dollars to 13 year olds for downloading a single song was the day I vowed to never buy another CD. Up to this point I was a rabid CD buyer, I own over 400 actual real CD’s, most purchased at full price on or near release day..never again, fuck you RIAA (and ARIA, I suppose).

So far the MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) has avoided my silent wrath by not being jerkoffs and I continue to buy DVD’s.