Rude Jesus is not gay

So I found this the other day, it claims to be the only automated face reader in the world. You can plug your face in and get a rating of how intelligent, ambitious, honourable, gay and sociable you are, among other things..just by looking at your face. It’s like modern day magic!

So, of course I put my own face it to see just how intelligent I am, unfortunately the only picture I had on hand was this:

But it doesn’t matter, the face analyser is magical and can see through the sillyness in that picture, can’t it? Of course!

  • Intelligence 6.0 Average Intelligence
  • Risk 5.0 Low Risk
  • Ambition 6.0 Average Ambition
  • Gay Factor 1.6 Very Low Gay Factor
  • Honor 5.1 Average Honor
  • Politeness 5.3 Average Politeness
  • Income 6.5 $30,000 – $50,000
  • Sociability 5.7 Average Sociability
  • Promiscuity 3.7 Low Promiscuity

I am a Theta Academic: Not as intelligent as Alpha and Beta academics, but still intelligent. Expected Occupations: Pharmacist, Accountant, Teacher,

Journalist, Computer Technician – oh, and apparently I’m female 

Then I got to thinking, actually, I wasn’t thinking as much as looking on my hard drive for random pictures of people’s faces, and found this one:

  • Intelligence 6.0 Average Intelligence
  • Risk 5.1 Average Risk
  • Ambition 6.1 Average Ambition
  • Gay Factor 1.4 Very Low Gay Factor
  • Honor 4.8 Average Honor
  • Politeness 5.7 Average Politeness
  • Income 6.3 $30,000 – $50,000
  • Sociability 5.8 Average Sociability
  • Promiscuity 4.2 Low Promiscuity

Apparently, Jesus flipping the bird is a Beta Academic: Not as intelligent or ambitious as Alpha Academics, but still focused on being materially

successful. Expected Occupations: Lawyer, Doctor, Investment Analyst, Accountant, Architect, Engineer, Professor, Researcher, Psychologist 

And of course:

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…apparently isn’t even human, this stupid face analyser is obviously faulty!

What does all this prove? I’m as smart as Jesus flipping the bird and not gay at all, phew!