Joe’s Restaurant

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary so we figured we’d do the thing where you go out to dinner and eat stuff to celebrate.

In order to keep it simple (we’re like that) we decided to go down to Calwell where the Golden Crown, or Golden Hat or Happyland Happy Golden Happy Town Chineses Restaurant is (I don’t remember what it’s actually called, but that last one may be close, I’m not sure). After being seated we passed time discussing the mating habits of the Patagonian duckbilled asshat when I suddenly realise I’m hungry and some minutes have passed since we last saw the waitress.

Sitting there twiddling our thumbs, stomachs rumbling we see a sight that is not uncommon in the street cafes of Phnom Peng (no offence meant to any of our readers from Phnom Peng), but not entirely common in your average suburban Canberra restaurant. A cockroach, tiny black creature aptly equipped to survive a nuclear winter, but not the weight of my hand. I flick it away and don’t give it another thought, one cockroach a bad restaurant does not make.

A few more minutes passed and the waitress is madly running around, looking busy in the less than busy place, only 4 of the 12+ tables had people seated and at least one other was looking as hungry as us. What’s it like when they’re actually busy?

About this time the second cockroach made an appearance, I flicked it away again, thinking that it may have been the same one, returning home after a long journey across the floor, bravo brave little one, bravo!

The waitress finally appears and asks if we want drinks, we agree but mention nothing of the determined little bug.

Then a third appeared, surely this isn’t the same one again? I suggested we kill it this time to ensure it doesn’t return, unless undead zombie cockroaches are a problem in this area we should be safe. Kristie squished it with her napkin and expressed a desire to move tables, I agreed, as soon as we could get the attention of the waitress.

After the fourth one was squished I suggested we just exit, stage left, one cockroach can be forgiven as an oversight or just bad luck, four is close to infestation. Kristie agreed with the departure but wanted to say something to the waitress before leaving. Between this agreement and the appearance of our drinks I looked under the table and killed another four or so ‘roaches.

I was beginning to squirm and just wanted to go.

The waitress finally appeared again with the drinks, Kristie told her to use the drinks to drown the ‘roaches and we left. I’m not sure the waitress knew exactly what was going on but all the patrons within earshot sure got the message, we had killed 8+ cockroaches while sitting there and it was time to go.

To end this tragic tale we went to the China Tea House in Erindale to get a decent roach-free meal, we were greeted and seated and Kristie went off to the ladies room to scrape the roach scum from her hands. I sat there perusing the menu and what do I see…a COCKROACH, MOTHERF00KER! The dirty little bastard has hitched a ride ON ME…I dispatched the stowaway and headed to the bathroom to shake the rest of his buddies off me, but found none. I’m still itching nervously as I type this, despite having 2 showers in the mean time.

Anyway, after that ordeal the meal was great, as we were paying and leaving Kristie mentioned why we were there (i.e. we left the Calwell roach restaurant and came here instead) and the waiter said that his head chef was the nephew of the owner of the Calwell place. I didn’t mention our little stowaway, and hopefully I didn’t introduce another family connection between the two restaurants.

I think we’ll get a pizza for our next anniversary.