Our Neighbour is a nutjob Part 1

You’ve all seen Redneck Neighbor (American Spelling of that word), well, I’m not about to dedicate a website to my crackpot neighbour but a single news item just won’t do (maybe another 2 or 3, we’ll see).

We haven’t had much luck with neighbours in the past, in Gordon we had some Scottish witch who had a obsession with plants that encroached on her property, even the slightest leaf or twig that dared to cross the fenceline would be cut off and thrown back over on our lawn. She even made us cut down a nice cherry tree because it was undermining her garden, or some bullshit. Since we moved out she has had the new tenants butcher a lovely shade tree we had out the front because it was “interfering with her driveway”..the fact that it was regularly trimmed, and had no sideways growing roots was obviously not figured into her dementia. As it turns out, she was a quite mild form of mental neighbour.

I haven’t commented on our current fruitcake neighbour yet because I’m all about community harmony and getting on with your fellow sane residents, but the time has come to speak out, he and his family have made it abundantly clear they have no intention of living in harmony with anyone, especially their nearest neighbours.

Our new neighbour is a total mental case, I’ll cut right to the chase:

  • Builds a crackpot fort, consisting of 4 treated pine logs cemented into the ground with a platform secured about half way up and a rope ladder, it has no obvious function (although it did serve as a makeshift horse stable for a while).
  • Builds a PINK shed.
    I mean, for christs sake, Colorbond make about 47 billion different colours, why PINK?! We spoke to him about this and he says it wasn’t meant to be pink..suuuuure (doesn’t look very pink in the picture, but believe me, it’s pink).
  • Plants a row of Radiata Pines around the entire block (except where they will block *his* view, not only are Radiata’s a NOXIOUS WEED, but they are a fire hazard and about the ugliest tree on the planet.DSC00231
    This picture was taken at Floriade one year, in a display of noxious and dangerous weeds in the Canberra region. PROOF, Radiata’s are bad, mmmk? We spoke to him about this too, as did other neighbours, completely ignored. Thankyou, come again. After planting them all in one weekend he has done absolutely no maintenance, no watering, no fertilizing…more on this later.
  • Well OK, he did water them, last weekend he was out there fertilising and watering the DEAD ones.
  • He’s been living in a construction shack for the last 18 months.DSC00170
    Lots of people live in their sheds out here while they build, but 18 months is a bit long, it’s a total eyesore and as near as we can tell, his only supply of domestic water is from his muddy dam (do the math here folks, yes, he showers in his dam water).
  • The fire brigade attended a fire out here, when asked if they could draft some water from his dam (in order to put the fire out, since they had already used what they came with) he told them to go away and find water on another block..maybe over the road, where nobody lives and the fence is locked, uh huh, thanks a bunch, way to live in the country, fruitloop.
  • He plans to live out here with his parents and sister (and her child), 3 family units in all, in a single house, which is actually a 53 meter long concatenation of 3 prefab homes. Dual occupancy is not allowed out here on most blocks, and definitely not on theirs, so they’re joining the 3 houses together and calling it a single house by connecting the 3 houses with doors. Imagine a 53 meter long house, which looks like 3 houses bolted together, nice, NOT. Council has said they must do “extensive landscaping” to reduce the effect of the eyesore on the passing traffic, if their past history of doing fuck-all on their block continues, I really don’t see any kind of landscaping done, let alone extensive. When the plans for this behemoth dwelling went into council we were sent a letter asking if we had objections, being the happy cooperative neighbour, we spoke to him about it and he assured us it wouldn’t be an ugly trailer trash heap of crap, we believed him. More fool us.
  • And to top if all off, the nut in the fruitcake. This Letter, dropped in our mailbox about a week ago. Since he had not actually spoken to any of his adjacent neighbours before delivering this letter, the slant of it reads “you poisoned my trees, and the police are onto you, you’re in big trouble”. Right.

In regards to this so called poisoning of the noxious weeds…err…pine trees:

1) We didn’t poison your fucking trees you moron, nobody did. How does not watering them AT ALL during a drought sound? or perhaps, completely ignoring them for a year after planting them, that’s going to do more damage than any kind of poison. Don’t you think? Nope, didn’t think so, idiot.

2) Apparently he’s had a friend of his, who’s some kinda of CSIRO “expert”, tell him they were definitely poisoned. Poisoned by NEGLECT maybe.

3) We, and other neighbours have spoken to them about this letter and upon raising the issue that it’s very accusing towards us (not specifically us, all his neighbours) their attitude was pretty much “If you feel that way, you must be guilty” uh huh.

4) We have contacted the police, and they couldn’t (legally) tell us anything, apart from the fact that *IF* a poisoning had been reported, we would be notified by them, we have not been notified. Do the math.

5) Screwball neighbour can’t seem to disconnect the two events, if indeed someone has stolen tools from the block (we spoke to him and he mentioned tools as one of the missing items), why would they also poison your trees? works the other way too, and indeed, if it was a neighbour, why would they steal from him at all? especially being so close, wouldn’t it be kind silly to steal your shovel then be outside using it the next day, ugh.

6) Some other neighbours spoke to them, and reinforced that they had seen nobody trespassing in the area, to this nutcase neighbour answered “we’ve been over at stage 3 and seen people on our block” (paraphrased)…umm, ok, let’s all stand across the valley with binoculars and spy on our own block, hello? Paranoia? There is an army of thieves and ninja poisoners waiting for you to leave home so they can spring into action! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

The tone of this update may seem a little harsh, but like I said, we’ve never been anything but friendly and helpful towards this guy and his family and all we get in return is accusations and irrational bullshit like this. I don’t appreciate being called a thief and a liar and I definitely don’t like the attitude of these people.

Royalla is a great little growing community, and as such, is based on mutual respect and trust of all residents; these people seem to have a problem with these concepts. I hope they see this and wake up to themselves before it’s too late and they totally isolate themselves from everybody out here.

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Reference herein to any specific commercial products, process, or service by trade name, trademark manufacturer, or otherwise, does not necessarily constitute or imply its endorsement, recommendation, or favoring by the United States Government. The opinions of the authors expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Rancho, and shall not be used for advertising or product endorsement purposes.

The materials on this Web site are intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. Neither the residents or alpacas on the Rancho shall be held responsible for any claims or damages caused by this post. People who can’t take a joke or get on with their neighbours piss me off.